You vs. Your Facade

You came into this life as you, the real you with the good vibes and innocent eyes and gurgling cooing that make all babies adorable. You could manifest anything you wanted or needed merely by letting loose a wail that cringed the nerves of all adults within earshot.

Then you grew up.

When you learned to talk, you started getting instruction about how life worked and what you needed to do to fit in. Often times, what others wanted you to do, to fit in, to make them feel better, ran counter to what your emotional compass was telling you was not in your best interest.

Gradually you learned to ignore your emotions and accept what other people were telling you about the way things are. It wasn’t easy because you knew you were ignoring what was true for you. So you started to pretend you were the way others wanted you to be. You created a facade, a face you showed the world, and you pushed you, the real you, to the background.

And as you moved more deeply into the facade you were creating, you increased the distance between you and your facade. You chose your facade as the right path and rejected the real you. Obviously the real you was flawed, because it doesn’t match the facade you wear in society. So it is quite natural to be ashamed of the real you.

The shame never goes away. It rides like a blanket over everything, so constant so pervasive that it seems like it is just the way life is. It becomes invisible. But we feel it and seek relief in the cookie jar or at the gym or in our 70 hour a week job or compulsive volunteer work.

And we have created a balance. We have manifested a perfect world that takes into account our facade. And this world protects us from what we perceive as our imperfection—who we really are.

The problem comes in when what we want comes from who we really are. We want health, we want wealth, and we want love. All of these desires come from who we are.

We want money. Our facade knows that rich people are evil and only get rich on the backs of the poor. It knows that who we are is flawed, and so to protect ourselves from ourselves, we do everything but manifest money.

Here’s the rub. We are master manifestors. We created the world around us. We don’t like some of our creation, but we have purpose in what we have created. We are protecting ourselves from who we think we are.

We have created the world exactly the way we want it.

But once you have identified the facade you have created, you can start to change it. You change it by finding thoughts that feel better.

Here’s an exercise: Take a topic like money, health, or love and write down on a sheet of paper all the ideas that come to mind about that topic.

Now, draw two circles. In one write the word “Me”, and in the other write “My Facade.” Take each of the ideas you had about your topic and use your emotional guidance system to decide whether that idea comes from you or your facade. Some are obvious, but some might not be so. Say the difficult ones aloud. Notice how it pulls you. It will feel like relief to place it in one circle or the other.

When you are done, you will have a better understanding of the facade you have created. You will also see how you are protecting yourself from what you want.

Now you can change those ideas that don’t serve you with ones that feel better. And you can ask yourself that all important question, what do I want from here.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.


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(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

4 thoughts on “You vs. Your Facade

  1. Susie

    Thank you for this blog post! I have been dealing with shame issues and how it has affected my life choices, this exercise has helped immensely!

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