Tag Archives: relationships

Different Versions of People

Chip, I’d like your perspective on the following scenario:

We have Person A and Person B. They are both conscious creators. They are best friends.

Person A has a desire which Person B doesn’t resonate with, nearly at all, but understands allowing.

Person A aligns with their desire and manifests it.

In the case that Person B is now excited and happy for Person A:

Is person B a different version of themselves that reflects person A’s desire?

This question is like the Indian parable where 5 blind men are asked to describe an elephant. One grabs a leg and says the elephant is like a tree. One grabs the tail and says the elephant is like a snake. etc.

People are right based upon their perspective.

People who are physically-focused, at least on this planet, arrive with the idea that they are going to believe in time, permanence and continuity. From this we use the concept of time-lines to describe things. So when ghosts and aliens use the concept of parallel lives and parallel universes, they are creating metaphors to help us understand within our self-imposed limitations of time, permanence, and continuity.

Let’s assume this is a little ditty about Jack and Diane.

Starting with another metaphor, Diane desires something. There will always be a version of Diane that manifests that desire very quickly, and there will always be a version that delays the manifestation of that desire until after they die–with several in between. When a thought is given birth, a relationship exists between that thought and the person who gave birth to that thought. That relationship will be explored by both the thought and the person who gave birth to the thought from many different perspectives. But these are not parallel lives, because the relationship is vibrational, (like all relationships), and vibration is timeless. The relationship between Diane and her desire could be described using another metaphor–that of an explosion that instantly fills all parts of the universe.

So let’s pretend that you are Diane. You have an idea of who you are, which is, in reality, just one part of the entirety of YOU–an individual perspective.

In this relationship you have described, You have the idea who you are, the idea of the thought you gave birth to, and your idea of Jack (which is based upon your perception of Jack’s vibration).

So when you get your desire, your vibration changes relative to both the desire and Jack. Jack does not change, but your vibrational relationship with Jack now reflects an aspect of Jack you have not experienced before. In this case, you are aligning with an aspect of Jack that from your perspective, “understands allowing.”

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Should I Make the First Move?

Hi Chip,

I met a great guy about 6 months ago and we’ve become friends. We work together and hang out in a group setting every weekend. I really like him and would love to be with him, and there are signs that he likes me too (including a mutual friend of ours telling me she can tell he likes me). The problem is, I don’t know for sure if he likes me or not. He is kind of a shy guy, and I keep hearing that if I want to be with him, I’ll have to make the first move. But I’m not willing to do this, because I’m convinced that he may say no and I will be crushed. I flip-flop between “going for it” by putting in effort to text him and talk to him to “show my interest” and throwing in the towel by attempting to forget about him and move on. Ironically, I seem to get his attention the most when I’m not trying so hard to show him that I like him.

I’m scared that if I don’t take action in the form of spilling my guts to him about my feelings, that I may not get the chance to be with him. Recently, another girl in our friend group has been pursuing him relentlessly, and they have gotten very close. I asked him if they were together, and he said she’s just a good friend. But I’m afraid he may end up with her over me since she’s willing to put herself out there while I’m too scared.

I’m not quite sure what to do. I feel the best when I’m not worrying about it and kind of doing my own thing, but at the same time this almost feels like I’ve resigned myself to not being with him out of fear.

Hi,

Here is the short answer right here.

I feel the best when I’m not worrying about it and kind of doing my own thing

This is when you are in alignment with having what you are actually wanting. The rest is conflicting thoughts that are not in alignment with who you are. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing you have to fix. There is no problem to solve. You simply have an idea of how you want to live and when you decide what you want, thoughts that you already hold that stand in your way present themselves so you can choose what you want instead.

If you just go about the business of enjoying your experience, there may come a time when you are inspired to take some action whether it be inviting him to join you on a walk, or simply leaving one of your social gatherings that has become uncomfortable. If no inspired action arises at any given time, then it is not the right time to take action. Think of it like this. You don’t get on the subway until it has come to a full stop at the station and the doors have opened. You will know when it is time to take action because it will seem like the natural and easy thing to do.

You are right here right now in the place you want to be. You have created this situation because you know what it is you want. You know that you have clusters of thoughts that you don’t like and you have created this situation so that you can put them right in front of your face. You did this to give yourself the opportunity to decide that you don’t want to live your life the way you have been. Forcing yourself to do or not do some course of action won’t have the long-term result you are intending.

You have a fear of rejection. You have been taught that the way you deal with fear is to man-up and just do it. This is a social template you have grown up with. But you created everything about your physical experience including your version of the guy you like. Since you created this guy, the only person who can reject you is you.

Let this settle in for a minute.

This fear of rejection permeates your life doesn’t it? It effects your social relationships, your business relationships, even the simple things like whether you have a glass of wine with dinner.

Again there is nothing wrong with you. You are just employing a strategy that you used a long time ago because at that time, it felt like relief to do so. It fit the circumstances then, but now you have evolved in your thinking and that strategy no longer works. It is simply time to take notice and make a new decision. And yes, there will be some some fear, but it will be the fear of change, not the fear of rejection. You will notice that the fear of change feels like relief when you compare it to the fear of rejection.

It’s okay that you feel exactly the way you do. Your feelings are simply there to point you to these clusters of thoughts that conflict with what you want. Let yourself feel them. Relax and let them show themselves to you along with the thoughts you hold. They are just thoughts. Let it be okay that you once thought that way and let them evolve away from you.

If you can’t be okay with these thoughts, then let it be okay that you are not okay with them. Just find a way to soften them so they are not as important. It could be that these thoughts are so ingrained that they stay with you your entire life, but that is okay too. If you can be okay that you think that way, they become less important every time they arise until they have no real effect on anything. You become like, “Oh, there’s those thoughts again. How interesting. Can you pass the potatoes?”

Now back to the guy. Enjoy your time with him and let the relationship evolve. You will either be with him the way you want, or a relationship that is more in alignment with who you are will present itself. You simply cannot fail. Relax. Things are getting better and better and better.

 

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If you want a one-on-one Surf Session with me, book it above and then at the end you pay what you think it was worth. If you get have an aha moment while reading a blog post or getting a question answered in a forum, consider honoring and valuing it by dropping what you think it was worth to you in Mr. Piggy to the right. This is me being the change in the world I want to see.

Chip

(c)2015 Chip Engelmann

Making Friends with Life as a Single-ton

 I’ve been single for a REALLY LONG TIME. I’m only 24, but haven’t been in a serious relationship since high school. That was a long-term relationship that ended in an extremely painful breakup. That heartbreak, plus a few college flings that ended painfully for me have resulted in my ongoing single-ness now as a (young) adult.

I would love to use the law of attraction to find my perfect match. I’ve been trying to figure out how to drop all of my resistance and really make friends with life as a single-ton. I’d really and truly have to be completely content with everything as it is, and not just because I want things to change. This, for me, is much easier said than done. I [have] several friends who are in serious relationships. I have family members around the same age as I am that have significant others. Then there’s me with no one. And of course the people who pry and say, “how do you not have a boyfriend yet?!” I mean, does it mean there’s something horribly wrong with me?! Of course I know it doesn’t, but there is always some tension and insecurity. I’m also very gun-shy and have no interest in casual dating. I enjoy an active social life hanging out with a great group of friends, (no single guys though), but coming home to my quiet apartment after work some days feels like more relief than attempting to set up actual dates. (Whether online or otherwise).

I’ve learned that what I really want is to feel good. To feel secure and not worry about “why am I still single”. So as an “enlightened” person, does that mean I can’t wish for the boyfriend anymore? But I still really want him!

My question is, how can I drop this resistance and find some real relief? (And then perhaps dream man?) I feel like I search and search for my “limiting beliefs” and then it seems like a never-ending cycle of searching, being “problem-focused” instead of “solution-focused” (As Esther would say) and nothing ever feels any better.

Any insight you have would be great.

What if there was no problem to be solved? What if everything was in order and working perfectly? Just suppose for a second that the contrast you are now experiencing is working with you to bring you exactly what it is that you want. Your view of relationships is the narrow focus of the relationships you’ve had, who according to you, ended badly. So you are as you say ‘gun-shy.’

But you are doing everything right. Every relationship is relationship between you and yourself and you are enjoying your relationship with you. You can tell by how it feels like relief to just be by yourself. Forcing yourself out there is only real resistance you are describing.

Oh sure there are those voices, coming from you or concerned parties, who say you should be in a relationship, but you know those voices are are not true because of the way you feel when they are speaking. You don’t need to be in a relationship now, you need to develop your relationship with yourself so that you are the person who can be in the type of relationship you want.

And you are right on track with this. Just continue to take it easy. It will be very evident when it is time for you to act. It will seem like the most natural thing in the world.

If you ever think you are off track with this, take a second to tune into your intuition. It it feels worse to think you are off track, then you are probably right on course.

You really do have this. Just let it go the way it is going.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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If you have been wondering where all the posts have been, my excuse is that I have been focusing my attention on selling my house in Pennsylvania and moving to Arizona. The first part of this has happened and we have found a house in Arizona to move to. Now it’s just a matter of closing the deal, packing our stuff, and driving out to the West. If you ask a question, I’ll still find time to answer–that is if I’m not driving.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

How Do I Bring My Husband On Board?

Hi Chip!

Here is my situation. I have the wonderful opportunity to adopt 2 siblings, both boys. I have one of my own who is 8. My husband and I have tried for years to have more, we tried everything medically possible with no results. Now we have an opportunity to adopt these siblings, but my husband is not on board.

My question is, how does one deal with this type of situation when you want to follow your hearts desire by having more children through adoption, but your other half is not on board. I feel like I have to give up my desires now. I will have this desire to have more children forever!! It is making me angry that I am giving in to his desires of not having more children so that I can fulfill his desire and deny me my desire. I feel like I have no say and my heart is breaking!!

I’d like to start this conversation with a little background on the nature of relationships. This topic brings forth a bit of a paradox because on one had we are told that we create our reality—all of it—and on the other hand most gurus adopt the lexicon of Abraham and say we co-create our reality. Both of which are true. But the term “co-create” is misleading if we look at it from a physically-focused perspective. It implies that there is a physical reality outside the one you create that you share with other people.

But co-creation happens on a vibrational level and the physical reality you create is all you. For this reason, I prefer the term blending reality as used by my non-physical friend Paul.

For purposes of demonstration let’s assume that the blue sphere represents you and the purple sphere represents your husband.

You each have had experiences and learned different things so you see the worlds differently. Because your experiences have colored your world blue, you see the world through your blue filter. It is simply impossible to see anything your husband sees because his world is filtered purple. Likewise ,he can’t see the blue world you see because he can only see purple.

Now there is an intersection where your vibrations are similar and this is how you relate to him. But you don’t see him, you see a version of him that you have created– a blue version of him. Your relationship is the relationship between your idea of you with your version of him.

You do this with everything and everybody. This is why people like to point out that when you see something you don’t like in someone else, you are seeing a reflection of you.

And you use this reflective properties to your advantage all the time. When you are feeling conflicted, you will align with people who will demonstrate your conflicting thoughts so that you can choose something different. You might see an unhappy angry person and decide that you don’t want to be angry and unhappy. In this way, you can make a decision without having to dive into the angry and unhappy thoughts you have been holding.

Of course, most of the people you hang with reflect your dominant vibration. People like your husband and son reflect the parts of you that you like to express the most. However, conflict can still occur, as reflected in your issue of adoption.

I brought up all of this to point out that the conflict you are feeling over the adoption is all you. You are using your husband to pull forth the conflicting thoughts you are having about the adoption of these two boys. If you were not conflicted, you would line up with the version of your husband that is on board with bringing these two new boys into your family.

So what do you do with this?

Contrast like this is always working for you to bring you the entirety of what you are wanting. It helps you refine and define what it is you really want. It does this by exposing the thoughts you are thinking that are not in alignment with the having of what you are wanting. It shows you the cultural templates you are bucking, the fears you have, and the attitudes and beliefs that will cause you grief.

You bring this contrast to the surface either through direct experience, or through the words and actions of others. Often when people feel so strongly about what they want that they blind themselves to the contrasting thoughts that are standing in their own way, they will call forth other people to get in their face to make them confront the contrast. This is not to say that your husband is right, rather it is a call to pay attention to the thoughts you are holding.

  • Listen to his words. What is he telling you directly?
  • Listen to his concerns? What feelings is he evoking?
  • Feel the vibration of where he is coming from.

Some of your concerns might be:

  • It would be a sudden financial burden.
  • They might turn out to be little hellions or delinquents.
  • They might turn your son into a delinquent.
  • Your son might get jealous.
  • The 3 boys might not get along and the fights would be 2 against one.
  • You might feel shame about not being able to conceive naturally.

Your concerns may turn out to be about adopting in general or they may turn out to be something you sense in the vibration of these particular boys.

Take each of the concerns and allow the emotions you are feeling to percolate. What are the thoughts that are coming to light? Does it feel better or worse to think these thoughts. If they feel better or like relief, these are ones you want to stay with for now. If they feel worse, look for the thought that feels better.

Do this with each concern that arises. As you do, you will notice that you are refining and redefining what it is that you want out of expanding your family. Notice how you want to feel and go with that feeling for a while.

Now you have a better perspective on this situation, and it was all because you were able to call forth your husband to express your objections. Whether or not you decide to move forward with these two boys, you will have a clearer vision and intention of what you want to experience.

If you decide not to adopt these boys, remember you are in the middle of the story. You will have other opportunities to adopt if that is what you want. Or you can find peace if you have changed your mind.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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If you would like to have a question answered, please go to the “Ask Chip” option on the “About Chip” menu tab.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

The Best Way to Attract a Great Relationship

Chip,

Can you please speak on the best way to attract a great relationship? I feel like I’ve been trying forever, to no avail. (Maybe that’s my problem?)

Now I feel discouraged and like throwing in the towel on the whole matter. I know what feels good to me to visualize but I don’t know if that really exists in reality. Maybe I have to settle. Maybe I’m not allowed to really have it. Maybe I have to learn a whole bunch of lessons first before it comes along. I just don’t know. I’m confused and don’t know how to sort it out.

My guess is that the idea of “throwing in the towel” feels like relief. But you still want the relationship.

Your intuition was talking pretty loudly to you when you wrote this, wasn’t it? You are trying to manage the creation of this relationship because you think if you don’t do something, it isn’t going to happen.

I’ve got news for you. Your intuition is telling you, “It’s done. You have that relationship. You’ve created it. Let it come to you.”

Think of it like ordering a book from Amazon. You placed the order, now you just have to wait the 5-8 working days for it to arrive. The last thing you would do is notice on day three that it isn’t there yet and order the book again. But that is what we do when we try to make it happen. We notice that we don’t have it yet, and when we do, the Universe knocks the book off the UPS conveyer belt and your package is delayed. Then after you forget about it, some janitor finds the book and puts it back on the belt.

Think of this new dream relationship in the same way you would think of the book you ordered from Amazon. If you knew in uncertain terms that your person was coming, how would you be acting? Would you be going out and enjoying other people’s company—not intending to get serious, but hey, company at movies is fun? Dancing is fun. Flirting is fun. Eating out is fun. Would you enjoy benefits?

Would you spend time preparing your space for a new person, or would you be organizing your stuff so that you got rid of the things that you wouldn’t want to move?

If it were me, I would say, “Now that I have my relationship, what can I do to best celebrate being ‘single’ before the person shows up?”

Undoubtedly, you will experience some contrast. The relationship you are asking for is a different vibration than the vibration you currently hold. The contrast that comes up is merely pointing out thoughts you are thinking that are delaying your person’s arrival. Listen to what they are saying. Often it is as simple as making a turning it around: “Not allowed to have it? How interesting. Of course, I can have it. I can have anything I want.” Or, “Maybe I have to learn a bunch of lessons. Ha ha. As if I could get it wrong!”

This can be very easy. The contrast is merely giving you the opportunity to replace unaligned thoughts.

Relax. Enjoy yourself while the “package” is coming. Stay home or go out as you are inspired to do. This relationship is a done deal.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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This question arrived just as I was finishing the previous one. As a general rule, I like to answer questions promptly. But I’m sure there will be times that for one reason or another, it might be delayed. But don’t be surprised when questions get posted on the same day as another question.

Chip

(c)2013 Chip Engelmann