I Judge Myself Against Ridiculous Standards

It’s true. For example: When I was a kid I used to watch Westerns. In one Western plot template, the hero had to cross the desert with very little water. The hero, of course, would drink less than his share of water so that everyone would live. Then he stumbles into town, beat to shit, lips cracked, half-blind, and falls into the arms of the good-hearted saloon girl, having saved all the women and children and lesser men–all except the corrupt Indian Agent who sold rifles to the Apaches, of course.

It doesn’t take a great leap of logic to see that for a kid who has to be perfect, he has to be one of the good guys. And good guys drink less water than everyone else. So from that time on, I stopped drinking water—okay not completely. I drank when I got really thirsty. But I subconsciously trained myself not to need water.

Newsletter readers continue here.

Now I don’t even think about water. I have to get really thirsty before I can drink it. Even then, I get into an internal debate about whether I really need water badly enough to stop what I’m doing to get it.

So based upon the fictitious good guy’s super-human abilities of denial and self-sacrifice, I don’t drink water—which I happen to love the taste of by the way. I do the same thing with fruit. Love the taste, but don’t eat it. Are you picking up the underlying vibration here? To be a good guy, you must sacrifice the things you need–for the greater good of course. That includes, dare I say it,


What a delicious point of contrast, no?

The contrast was to be expected. Any time you start a new creation you unearth the conflicting thoughts that delay the manifestation. Sometimes, the contrast is almost over-whelming. But the over-whelming contrast holds a diamond-in-the-rough. Powerful contrast yields powerful desire which you can leverage into a crystal-clear decision which you shout to the Universe, “I want what I want and I will have it.”

On the other hand, the hero contrast outlined above is more of a speed bump. You see it, recognize it for what it is, make a choice of what you want instead, and let it go.

I will allow myself to have what I like.

You never stop having contrast. Contrast is what steers you towards better and better feeling thoughts. And contrast by definition never feels good. But you change your interpretation of what contrast means and it becomes almost welcome. You become less tolerant of feeling bad and more interested in feeling better. So you let contrast do its thing and allow the bad feelings pass through you. The pesky thoughts are then free to evolve away from you.

In other words, you get more proficient at dropping resistance to the contrast.

And life gets better and better and better.

I’m thirsty. Can I get you a drink?

What if getting what you wanted was easy? What if all the scary emotions and bad-feeling thoughts you have yet to conquer were paper-tigers that you created to help you? How would that change your perception? Think about it and come back and share.


(c)2013 Chip Engelmann

5 thoughts on “I Judge Myself Against Ridiculous Standards

  1. Priscilla

    I loved, “I want what I want and I will have it.” But add an exclamation point for me here. I am feeling chipper (no pun intended) today and when I read the sentence, I felt like yelling it out, smiling, and clapping my hands (and so I did all three). There are times this can come from a place of contrast, but that was not true for me today. So thank you!

    Also, I can relate to the learned practice of denial (to be a “good” person). Certainly true for money, but I’m thinking of how I have done this so fastidiously with food. And now over the past few months that I’m eating what I want when I want and feeling that freedom, well it is magnificent! But I could relate to your story in that I wasn’t even conscious that I was doing this previously! So awareness was first, then choosing different thoughts. What a great journey. our glasses of water. 🙂 <3

  2. Chip Engelmann Post author

    Perfect Priscilla. I’m particularly impressed that you allow yourself to eat what you want. Very allowing indeed.

    1. Barb Williams

      Because he is Chip! I bet you wouldn’t have it any other way. Juile, I miss Tom’s teasing every day. Cherish every tease as the love Chip has for you.

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