Category Archives: Self-esteem

Because of Starving Kids, I Don’t Deserve

Recently, I have been having random feelings of unworthiness. Its like they just come out of nowhere. I’m feeling good about my manifestations, and I feel like I’m REALLY CLOSE to having everything that I ever wanted, but every time I think about having the things, I just get this feeling that I can’t or don’t deserve to have it.

I feel bad because I know that not everyone in the world is happy and rich, and I feel unworthy of having a life full of happiness and abundance. I even feel bad about manifesting because its so “magical” and most people have to work so hard to get what they have. I UNDERSTAND ALL the concepts of how the universe works:

  • I understand that happiness is the purpose of our life.
  • I understand that being “selfish” is the only perspective we will ever have and that everything we will ever do is because we think its going to make us feel better.
  • I understand that I am an infinite being of light and love, that I am GOD and am worthy of everything that I ever asked for and more!

But why am I not feeling this way? What can i do or think to feel better?

This “issue” has only come up for me really recently. Usually I’m probably considered “selfish” by most of society as I’m usually one of those people that think i just deserve everything. I usually do not give a crap about what anyone else thinks but why am I all of a sudden thinking about starving kids in Africa?

This feeling is really holding me back from receiving everything I asked for, could it be a fear of success? Could it be that BECAUSE I know i am so close to getting everything, I just had to manifest a fear since a part of me does not want to receive everything? Please help!!

If you look back a couple years you will no doubt see that you have made incredible progress in the way you relate to contrast. But as you become better and better with contrast, your tolerance decreases. What never bothered you before now looms large.

But that really doesn’t matter much because it is now as big a deal as the previous “big deals” were two years ago. As you eliminate the “coarse” vibrational contrast, you are able to see the more subtle contrast. Because your tolerance is less, it feels just as bad.

However, no contrast can stand in the way of what you want unless you believe it can. And if you believe it can, then it becomes “bad”, and if you are judging it to be bad, you are resisting it.

However, contrast, like everything else is here to serve you. When you feel bad, you are simply pointing out thoughts that no longer serve you. In this case, the thought of you not deserving because there are starving people does not serve you.

Remember, you create your Universe—all of it. In the same way you assign roles to people in your world to present things you don’t like about yourself, you have created a country called Ethiopia, and within Ethiopia you created starving kids with their bones showing. Then you assigned roles to your friends to agree with you that there is a place called Ethiopia and that the starving people there are real.

Now there may be people who you think are starving, but the truth is you can only see your version of them, the part that to which you are a vibrational match. What they are really experiencing is not something you can know. They are in a sense serving you by appearing to be starving.

So what you are looking at really is just a thought that somewhere there are people less fortunate than you. It is just a thought. A thought that you can gather evidence for because Law of Attraction works that way. Anytime you posit something as true, you will find evidence to support how you are right about it.

In this case, you have created a nation of starving kids to point out your belief that you are not worthy of what you want. And as you stated, you are in fact worthy of anything you want.

So all you really have to do is be okay that you have thoughts of unworthiness. When you can be okay with those thoughts and feelings, your creations, you can choose a new thought or cluster of thoughts that feel better. This process of choosing thoughts that continually feel better or feel like relief will bring you more into alignment with the entirety of what you want to experience.

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A while back, I decided that my mission was to answer questions. I knew that if I was going to sustain this mission I would have to find a way to make it pay for itself. At the same time, I felt that our current economic system was lopsided and I wanted to embody a new model. Finally, I found the model that feels right for me. With the exception of my books which need a fixed price to play in the marketplace, everything on this site is pay what it is worth. If you want a one-on-one session with me, then at the end you pay what you think it was worth. If you get value from reading a blog post or getting a question answered in a forum, consider dropping what it was worth to you in Mr. Piggy to the right. This is me being the change I want to see.


(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

I Judge Myself Against Ridiculous Standards

It’s true. For example: When I was a kid I used to watch Westerns. In one Western plot template, the hero had to cross the desert with very little water. The hero, of course, would drink less than his share of water so that everyone would live. Then he stumbles into town, beat to shit, lips cracked, half-blind, and falls into the arms of the good-hearted saloon girl, having saved all the women and children and lesser men–all except the corrupt Indian Agent who sold rifles to the Apaches, of course.

It doesn’t take a great leap of logic to see that for a kid who has to be perfect, he has to be one of the good guys. And good guys drink less water than everyone else. So from that time on, I stopped drinking water—okay not completely. I drank when I got really thirsty. But I subconsciously trained myself not to need water.

Newsletter readers continue here.

Now I don’t even think about water. I have to get really thirsty before I can drink it. Even then, I get into an internal debate about whether I really need water badly enough to stop what I’m doing to get it.

So based upon the fictitious good guy’s super-human abilities of denial and self-sacrifice, I don’t drink water—which I happen to love the taste of by the way. I do the same thing with fruit. Love the taste, but don’t eat it. Are you picking up the underlying vibration here? To be a good guy, you must sacrifice the things you need–for the greater good of course. That includes, dare I say it,


What a delicious point of contrast, no?

The contrast was to be expected. Any time you start a new creation you unearth the conflicting thoughts that delay the manifestation. Sometimes, the contrast is almost over-whelming. But the over-whelming contrast holds a diamond-in-the-rough. Powerful contrast yields powerful desire which you can leverage into a crystal-clear decision which you shout to the Universe, “I want what I want and I will have it.”

On the other hand, the hero contrast outlined above is more of a speed bump. You see it, recognize it for what it is, make a choice of what you want instead, and let it go.

I will allow myself to have what I like.

You never stop having contrast. Contrast is what steers you towards better and better feeling thoughts. And contrast by definition never feels good. But you change your interpretation of what contrast means and it becomes almost welcome. You become less tolerant of feeling bad and more interested in feeling better. So you let contrast do its thing and allow the bad feelings pass through you. The pesky thoughts are then free to evolve away from you.

In other words, you get more proficient at dropping resistance to the contrast.

And life gets better and better and better.

I’m thirsty. Can I get you a drink?

What if getting what you wanted was easy? What if all the scary emotions and bad-feeling thoughts you have yet to conquer were paper-tigers that you created to help you? How would that change your perception? Think about it and come back and share.


(c)2013 Chip Engelmann