The Best Way to Attract a Great Relationship


Can you please speak on the best way to attract a great relationship? I feel like I’ve been trying forever, to no avail. (Maybe that’s my problem?)

Now I feel discouraged and like throwing in the towel on the whole matter. I know what feels good to me to visualize but I don’t know if that really exists in reality. Maybe I have to settle. Maybe I’m not allowed to really have it. Maybe I have to learn a whole bunch of lessons first before it comes along. I just don’t know. I’m confused and don’t know how to sort it out.

My guess is that the idea of “throwing in the towel” feels like relief. But you still want the relationship.

Your intuition was talking pretty loudly to you when you wrote this, wasn’t it? You are trying to manage the creation of this relationship because you think if you don’t do something, it isn’t going to happen.

I’ve got news for you. Your intuition is telling you, “It’s done. You have that relationship. You’ve created it. Let it come to you.”

Think of it like ordering a book from Amazon. You placed the order, now you just have to wait the 5-8 working days for it to arrive. The last thing you would do is notice on day three that it isn’t there yet and order the book again. But that is what we do when we try to make it happen. We notice that we don’t have it yet, and when we do, the Universe knocks the book off the UPS conveyer belt and your package is delayed. Then after you forget about it, some janitor finds the book and puts it back on the belt.

Think of this new dream relationship in the same way you would think of the book you ordered from Amazon. If you knew in uncertain terms that your person was coming, how would you be acting? Would you be going out and enjoying other people’s company—not intending to get serious, but hey, company at movies is fun? Dancing is fun. Flirting is fun. Eating out is fun. Would you enjoy benefits?

Would you spend time preparing your space for a new person, or would you be organizing your stuff so that you got rid of the things that you wouldn’t want to move?

If it were me, I would say, “Now that I have my relationship, what can I do to best celebrate being ‘single’ before the person shows up?”

Undoubtedly, you will experience some contrast. The relationship you are asking for is a different vibration than the vibration you currently hold. The contrast that comes up is merely pointing out thoughts you are thinking that are delaying your person’s arrival. Listen to what they are saying. Often it is as simple as making a turning it around: “Not allowed to have it? How interesting. Of course, I can have it. I can have anything I want.” Or, “Maybe I have to learn a bunch of lessons. Ha ha. As if I could get it wrong!”

This can be very easy. The contrast is merely giving you the opportunity to replace unaligned thoughts.

Relax. Enjoy yourself while the “package” is coming. Stay home or go out as you are inspired to do. This relationship is a done deal.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.


This question arrived just as I was finishing the previous one. As a general rule, I like to answer questions promptly. But I’m sure there will be times that for one reason or another, it might be delayed. But don’t be surprised when questions get posted on the same day as another question.


(c)2013 Chip Engelmann

5 thoughts on “The Best Way to Attract a Great Relationship

  1. Julie Bernstein Engelmann

    Good answer!

    I’ll just chime in here and tell a story on Chip.
    Here’s what happened on my side of the story 25 years ago:

    I had seen Chip around, but I didn’t want to meet him. For some reason I avoided him, as if repelled.

    Then one day everything changed. Suddenly he was attractive. I really, really wanted to know him, and I was hooked.

    Here’s what happened on Chip’s side of the story:
    He threw out his list of what he wanted in a relationship, and made a new list.

    He made a list of what he wanted to give to a relationship.

    It turned his magnet around from repelling me to attracting me.

    We’ve been together ever since.

  2. The asker

    Loved the response, and love your story, Julie!

    I resonated a lot with several things you said here, Chip. I’m excited to relax and see what unfolds – you’re right, that does feel the most like relief.

    Thank you for your thoughts!

  3. The asker

    Alright so here’s what’s happened recently, and I’d love your take on it, Chip:
    I figured out how to relax and trust that the universe would deliver my perfect person with no effort required on my part. And as soon as I did that, a guy appeared in my life! At first I was flattered by his attentions and thought maybe I’d give him a chance. I was so excited. But then I learned more about him and discovered that he is not at all the right one for me. Now I’m discouraged. Will the universe still deliver the right person?

    1. Chip Engelmann Post author


      This was exactly the right guy–just not in the way you expected. He was a vibrational match in a way you didn’t like.

      That makes this a great opportunity because it exposes a thought or thought cluster that has been standing in your way. What thoughts came up as you discovered what you didn’t like about this guy? How did you feel? When you reflect back on your encounter, what memories arose? What are you thinking about yourself that feels worse? (Hint: if it feels worse, it is not true.) Take the opportunity to state was is true about it.

      You have an chance to take your relationship vibration to a new level. Take advantage of it.


  4. The asker

    After pondering your questions, I think I uncovered the belief of “my dream guy is unavailable to me”. Perhaps for the following reasons:
    -all the good ones are taken
    -there’s something wrong with me that stands in the way
    -he doesn’t exist or is too hard to find
    Obviously, it feels pretty awful to think any of those things, so, they all must be false. So now I’m going to turn it around:
    My dream guy is absolutely available.
    -there are so many great single and available people out there
    -there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I am amazing and wonderful and nothing will stand in the way of me and my dream relationship
    -the dream relationship exists and is easy for the universe to deliver

    These new beliefs seem foreign to me, and it may take some time to find the best wording of them and really cement them in my head. But I definitely feel better about the situation and know I can change it. Thanks, Chip!

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