Monthly Archives: February 2014

Life in a Friendly Universe

Hello Chip,

My question is about fear and procrastination. I currently work with kids and want to expand my business. My vision is to teach/facilitate meditation and guided imagery for relaxation, connecting to source and for help in school, anxiety etc. I enrolled in a course and am finished the course work portion but I need to videotape myself giving a class to kids and send the tape in to receive certification. I am completely procrastinating and feel a lot of fear. I believe I am feeling overwhelmed with the thought of success. I also feel totally unprepared to actually teach meditation. I feel like I am just not good enough. I envision a meditation teacher as someone who is a spiritual guru, wears the clothes and is forever in a Zen like state and has all the answers. One thing I do know is that I am great with kids. I oscillate between being very excited and absolute dread. I know that this is a desire because I read the back of a kids meditation book and thought to myself “this is what I want to do” and then the course literally fell into my lap with very little effort in a very short period of time. I simply followed my inspiration to act.

When I opened my other business I felt very little fear and I am always into trying new things. For some reason in this particular area my confidence is really bad. It’s as though I am afraid of dreaming too big for fear it will not come true. My head is swimming with ideas and I feel my creative and business juices really flowing, however I am afraid of getting excited and then failing. I have never been afraid to fail before in my life and have experienced failure a LOT! Maybe those failures simply didn’t mean as much to me so it didn’t matter as much? I am really feeling quite stuck.

Einstein once said, “The most important question a person can ask is, “Is the Universe a friendly place?”

Indeed, how we answer that question is significant. When I first answered it, I was like, “of course it is friendly,” but my actions, my words, and my vibration did not align with the idea of it being friendly.

In my world at that time, I was a victim of my thoughts, having adapted them from ugly experiences as a child and the cultural templates my parents believed. I was constantly on a quest to find that one last “block” that kept me from having what I wanted, and each discovery was a new layer of the never-ending onion.

A world where you are broken and where all contrast boils down to searching for what is wrong with you is not a friendly place.

So what would a friendly Universe look like?

In a friendly Universe, everything and everyone in it would be there to serve you. Every time I say this I think of a Mark Twain quote that I will probably get wrong:

“Every man I meet makes me happy, some when the arrive and others when they leave.”

You see, this Universe is all about contrast. It is the contrast that makes it so interesting (and not in a Chinese curse kind of way.) Without contrast we couldn’t distinguish between blue and orange. Since we can distinguish the two we are able to decide which one we prefer. In this way, we can create a world based upon our preferences.

In very simplistic terms, we keep making these choices and it is our decisions of what we prefer that determine our experiences. As we create these experiences, sometimes we change our minds or decide that we want something more. When that happens, sometimes the thoughts that we have been holding collide with thoughts that are in alignment with the new experiences we are wanting. And so we have Contrast with a capital C and it doesn’t feel good..

The sole purpose of this contrast is to allow you to chose which thought you prefer. Your intuition helps you determine which thoughts are in alignment with what you want by showing you how you feel when you think those thoughts. The ones that feel better or like relief are in alignment with what you want, and thoughts that feel worse are delaying what you want.

So let’s take your experiences with your studies and look at them in a friendly Universe.

I read the back of a kids meditation book and thought to myself “this is what I want to do” and then the course literally fell into my lap with very little effort in a very short period of time. I simply followed my inspiration to act.

Just as it should be.

I enrolled in a course and am finished the course work portion but I need to videotape myself giving a class to kids and send the tape in to receive certification.

Doing great here.

I am completely procrastinating and feel a lot of fear.

In our society, we are taught that procrastination is a sign of weakness. We should, in the words of the late Roger Miller, “Just knuckle-down, buckle-down, do-it do-it do-it.” We should push through whatever it is that is standing in our way and grab the glory.

But the meaning of procrastination changes if you are living in a world where everything is here to serve you. What if procrastination was just your intuition telling you that your timing isn’t right, and you needed to wait a bit?

If you let procrastination be your intuition about timing, there is no need to go down the rabbit hole of:

  • There must be something wrong with me.
  • What am I afraid of?
  • Maybe I’m feeling overwhelmed with the thought of success.
  • OMG, I must be totally unprepared to teach meditation…

If you think back, as you started thinking these thoughts, you started feeling worse and worse. Your intuition was telling you, “These thoughts are not true. They do not serve you.” And you knew this. But you were procrastinating and there had to be a reason for it. Law of Attraction being what it is, brought you thoughts that provided evidence to support your adopted definition of procrastination.

So if you just change the meaning of procrastination you will see that, like always, you are/were not doing anything wrong.

In fact, everything is working out for you perfectly. Not only did you manifest a way to get back on track, (by following your intuition,) you learned that you can trust your intuition even more than you have before.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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If you would like to have a question answered, please go to the “Ask Chip” option on the “About Chip” menu tab.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

How Do I Bring My Husband On Board?

Hi Chip!

Here is my situation. I have the wonderful opportunity to adopt 2 siblings, both boys. I have one of my own who is 8. My husband and I have tried for years to have more, we tried everything medically possible with no results. Now we have an opportunity to adopt these siblings, but my husband is not on board.

My question is, how does one deal with this type of situation when you want to follow your hearts desire by having more children through adoption, but your other half is not on board. I feel like I have to give up my desires now. I will have this desire to have more children forever!! It is making me angry that I am giving in to his desires of not having more children so that I can fulfill his desire and deny me my desire. I feel like I have no say and my heart is breaking!!

I’d like to start this conversation with a little background on the nature of relationships. This topic brings forth a bit of a paradox because on one had we are told that we create our reality—all of it—and on the other hand most gurus adopt the lexicon of Abraham and say we co-create our reality. Both of which are true. But the term “co-create” is misleading if we look at it from a physically-focused perspective. It implies that there is a physical reality outside the one you create that you share with other people.

But co-creation happens on a vibrational level and the physical reality you create is all you. For this reason, I prefer the term blending reality as used by my non-physical friend Paul.

For purposes of demonstration let’s assume that the blue sphere represents you and the purple sphere represents your husband.

You each have had experiences and learned different things so you see the worlds differently. Because your experiences have colored your world blue, you see the world through your blue filter. It is simply impossible to see anything your husband sees because his world is filtered purple. Likewise ,he can’t see the blue world you see because he can only see purple.

Now there is an intersection where your vibrations are similar and this is how you relate to him. But you don’t see him, you see a version of him that you have created– a blue version of him. Your relationship is the relationship between your idea of you with your version of him.

You do this with everything and everybody. This is why people like to point out that when you see something you don’t like in someone else, you are seeing a reflection of you.

And you use this reflective properties to your advantage all the time. When you are feeling conflicted, you will align with people who will demonstrate your conflicting thoughts so that you can choose something different. You might see an unhappy angry person and decide that you don’t want to be angry and unhappy. In this way, you can make a decision without having to dive into the angry and unhappy thoughts you have been holding.

Of course, most of the people you hang with reflect your dominant vibration. People like your husband and son reflect the parts of you that you like to express the most. However, conflict can still occur, as reflected in your issue of adoption.

I brought up all of this to point out that the conflict you are feeling over the adoption is all you. You are using your husband to pull forth the conflicting thoughts you are having about the adoption of these two boys. If you were not conflicted, you would line up with the version of your husband that is on board with bringing these two new boys into your family.

So what do you do with this?

Contrast like this is always working for you to bring you the entirety of what you are wanting. It helps you refine and define what it is you really want. It does this by exposing the thoughts you are thinking that are not in alignment with the having of what you are wanting. It shows you the cultural templates you are bucking, the fears you have, and the attitudes and beliefs that will cause you grief.

You bring this contrast to the surface either through direct experience, or through the words and actions of others. Often when people feel so strongly about what they want that they blind themselves to the contrasting thoughts that are standing in their own way, they will call forth other people to get in their face to make them confront the contrast. This is not to say that your husband is right, rather it is a call to pay attention to the thoughts you are holding.

  • Listen to his words. What is he telling you directly?
  • Listen to his concerns? What feelings is he evoking?
  • Feel the vibration of where he is coming from.

Some of your concerns might be:

  • It would be a sudden financial burden.
  • They might turn out to be little hellions or delinquents.
  • They might turn your son into a delinquent.
  • Your son might get jealous.
  • The 3 boys might not get along and the fights would be 2 against one.
  • You might feel shame about not being able to conceive naturally.

Your concerns may turn out to be about adopting in general or they may turn out to be something you sense in the vibration of these particular boys.

Take each of the concerns and allow the emotions you are feeling to percolate. What are the thoughts that are coming to light? Does it feel better or worse to think these thoughts. If they feel better or like relief, these are ones you want to stay with for now. If they feel worse, look for the thought that feels better.

Do this with each concern that arises. As you do, you will notice that you are refining and redefining what it is that you want out of expanding your family. Notice how you want to feel and go with that feeling for a while.

Now you have a better perspective on this situation, and it was all because you were able to call forth your husband to express your objections. Whether or not you decide to move forward with these two boys, you will have a clearer vision and intention of what you want to experience.

If you decide not to adopt these boys, remember you are in the middle of the story. You will have other opportunities to adopt if that is what you want. Or you can find peace if you have changed your mind.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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If you would like to have a question answered, please go to the “Ask Chip” option on the “About Chip” menu tab.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

What do I want to do now?

Hi Chip!

I love the principle of doing what feels good / doing what feels like relief a lot. When I first heard about this last year I thought “YES! This is how I want to live my life from now on!”.

However it doesn’t seem to work for me as I had hoped. Regularly I get into situations where I got free time and want to decide what to do next. I ask myself the question “What would feel good or feel like relief now?” – And then the answer is just blank.

In these situations I just don’t know what I would really want to do with my time. So I feel as if I only have two options: To do nothing and be super bored, or to distract myself (kill time) with something that feels okay to do but that doesn’t really excite me much. I always do the latter because the idea of doing nothing/being bored just feels worse…

It is frustrating to me because I know that there must be something there that I would really like to do but I am blind to seeing it and because of that I end up wasting my time with something else.

Luckily there are also moments where I do get an inspiration of something that I would like to do. But they are much rarer than I would like. So how can I receive more regular answers when I ask myself “What do I want to do now”?

This is very similar to a more common question, “what do I do when there is no inspired action to take?” The answer, of course, is to do nothing—or better yet, do something fun. The reason that you are not inspired, is that there is no action to take at that time. If you are wanting something, the Universe is rearranging itself to bring it to you. But you may not be aligned with having it right now.

Think of it like catching a bus. It does no good to go to the bus stop 5 hours before it departs. But there is a right time that will get you to the bus stop at the best time for boarding and that will give you the best bus ride experience possible. You will be inspired at the right time if you expect the inspiration.

But I don’t think that the above scenario is the case with you.

The contrast you are experiencing looks like this. You find yourself with time on your hands, but nothing excites you. The thing about contrast is that 89-91% of the time what the contrast is about is the most obvious thing.

In this case, you want something to get excited about.

But you’re not looking for the next release of Smash Brothers, you are looking for something more pervasive, something that gets you so revved up that there is no spare time. You want to dive into it the second your “have-to’s” are done.

Now this can be a “life-purpose,” an adventure, a hobby, or a quest to build and release self-replicating nanobots that “eat” GMO crops and turn them into organic fertilizer. It really doesn’t matter. It is up to you to choose what it is that will fire your rockets.

Now you probably have some sort of “sensibility” template that will create some contrast as soon as you start exploring the possibilities. “I don’t know what to do.” is the perfect avoidance mechanism to avoid this contrast.

Using an absurd example: If you really wanted to fly to the moon, you might get a lot of contrast stating that you can’t afford a rocket ship and if you could you couldn’t do the math to plot the trajectory, and you get claustrophobic in space suits. Saying “I don’t know what to do” in the quiet times avoids these stirring up these conflicting thoughts.

As does, “I really don’t have anything I’m passionate about that I want to do.”

But you do have the desire to have that kind of purpose and passion, no?

You can tell, because your vibration is at boredom. If you keep choosing what feels better, excitement and passion are coming very soon.

So you just have to choose what it is you want to do. You can’t get it wrong, but you can delay the having of it.

My suggestion is to brainstorm a list of things you might like to do. Don’t be sensible. Put down things that are exciting. Put down things you that stretch you. Put down thing you think are impossible. Feel the vibration of these things. (Hint: it is possible that the vibration of things you think are impossible can be found in things you believe you can have.)

If you are comfortable with asking your guides for help, ask them to help you think of things for your list.

Once you have decide on an endeavor or two, go back to following what feels better. Now, if nothing comes up, you know you are just waiting for a bus, and there is nothing to do right now. You can play Smash Brothers, kill time, and enjoyed it.

Contrast is likely to arise. This will point out the thoughts you hold that run counter to what you want to do. Once again, simply choose thoughts that feel better and navigating the contrast will be easy—and it gets easier the more you do it.

This is something you are ready for.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

.

If you would like to have a question answered, please go to the “Ask Chip” option on the “About Chip” menu tab.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann