Making Friends with Life as a Single-ton

 I’ve been single for a REALLY LONG TIME. I’m only 24, but haven’t been in a serious relationship since high school. That was a long-term relationship that ended in an extremely painful breakup. That heartbreak, plus a few college flings that ended painfully for me have resulted in my ongoing single-ness now as a (young) adult.

I would love to use the law of attraction to find my perfect match. I’ve been trying to figure out how to drop all of my resistance and really make friends with life as a single-ton. I’d really and truly have to be completely content with everything as it is, and not just because I want things to change. This, for me, is much easier said than done. I [have] several friends who are in serious relationships. I have family members around the same age as I am that have significant others. Then there’s me with no one. And of course the people who pry and say, “how do you not have a boyfriend yet?!” I mean, does it mean there’s something horribly wrong with me?! Of course I know it doesn’t, but there is always some tension and insecurity. I’m also very gun-shy and have no interest in casual dating. I enjoy an active social life hanging out with a great group of friends, (no single guys though), but coming home to my quiet apartment after work some days feels like more relief than attempting to set up actual dates. (Whether online or otherwise).

I’ve learned that what I really want is to feel good. To feel secure and not worry about “why am I still single”. So as an “enlightened” person, does that mean I can’t wish for the boyfriend anymore? But I still really want him!

My question is, how can I drop this resistance and find some real relief? (And then perhaps dream man?) I feel like I search and search for my “limiting beliefs” and then it seems like a never-ending cycle of searching, being “problem-focused” instead of “solution-focused” (As Esther would say) and nothing ever feels any better.

Any insight you have would be great.

What if there was no problem to be solved? What if everything was in order and working perfectly? Just suppose for a second that the contrast you are now experiencing is working with you to bring you exactly what it is that you want. Your view of relationships is the narrow focus of the relationships you’ve had, who according to you, ended badly. So you are as you say ‘gun-shy.’

But you are doing everything right. Every relationship is relationship between you and yourself and you are enjoying your relationship with you. You can tell by how it feels like relief to just be by yourself. Forcing yourself out there is only real resistance you are describing.

Oh sure there are those voices, coming from you or concerned parties, who say you should be in a relationship, but you know those voices are are not true because of the way you feel when they are speaking. You don’t need to be in a relationship now, you need to develop your relationship with yourself so that you are the person who can be in the type of relationship you want.

And you are right on track with this. Just continue to take it easy. It will be very evident when it is time for you to act. It will seem like the most natural thing in the world.

If you ever think you are off track with this, take a second to tune into your intuition. It it feels worse to think you are off track, then you are probably right on course.

You really do have this. Just let it go the way it is going.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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If you have been wondering where all the posts have been, my excuse is that I have been focusing my attention on selling my house in Pennsylvania and moving to Arizona. The first part of this has happened and we have found a house in Arizona to move to. Now it’s just a matter of closing the deal, packing our stuff, and driving out to the West. If you ask a question, I’ll still find time to answer–that is if I’m not driving.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

I Want to Manifest a Mountain of Money in Two Months

Hey Chip,

I’ve already manifested a lot of amazing things into my experience (in fact, almost everything I’ve ever wanted) except for mountains of effortlessly-attained money. I keep getting stuck on this one. I always have enough, maybe a little more than enough but I really, really want more than that. I’m thinking first-class travel around the world and partying on my yacht with my best friends. Kind of a tall order from my middle-class perspective.

I have given the Universe until July, but I’m impatient and I keep feeling compelled to reach out to you, because I think you are awesome and I resonate so well with your point of view. So, do you have any insight about maintaining a vibration of I-am-ridiculously-wealthy-lets-go-buy-an-island instead of I-can’t-be-rich-without-insert-excuse-here? I just feel really stuck, or like I should be doing something, but nothing I can think to do feels better than doing nothing.

Manifesting “mountains of effortlessly-attained money” is like learning to levitate. Both are possible as evidenced by people who have done so, but both require reprogramming the core of the cultural templates that we have adopted as the way things are. It is, as you put it, “a tall order.”

It doesn’t really need to be a tall order. As Abraham points out, it is as easy to create a billion dollars as it is to create a button. But in your case, you have created a conundrum. You want mountains of money because you think it will free you from contrast, and it yet it is that very contrast that will bring you the mountains of money. You are not alone in this way of thinking. It is a dominant theme in our culture.

Perhaps the reason that contrast is one of the most misunderstood metaphysical topics is that we are taught to avoid it almost from the instant of birth. Our parents want us to stop crying because they don’t like the contrast they are experiencing. Our parents, through their actions, teach us that contrast is something outside ourselves, and that someone (or some deity) is causing it to happen to us. The truth is that we create contrast to serve us.

A second cultural template we have adopted is that of problem solving. The basic tenet of our education system is to teach us to solve problems. We extrapolate the strategy of problem solving to all aspects of our life. Both parties and vacations are “escapes” in that while we are partying and vacationing we are enjoying the distance between this enjoyment and responsibilities we face when we return to the real world. We make the parties and vacations reliant on responsibilities like working to make the money to make them happen. So while we party and vacation, there is always the other shoe that will drop when the party and vacation end.

The problem is that if we want parties and vacations, we feel we have to work extra hard to make more money to pay for them. Now that the problem is defined, it easy to see that a solution would be just to have mountains of money dropped into our laps. Well, maybe dropped in the next room, because let’s face it. The amount of money you want would impossible to climb out from under if it was dropped on you.

And it has to be effortless, because the point of it is you don’t want to work. You know that this is possible because a shitload of non-physical beings and aliens and gurus have told you that you can do it with Law of Attraction. Problem solved. Except for the fact that if you did so without a fundamental understanding of the contrast you think money would solve, you would be a person that is exactly as happy and fulfilled as you are right now–who also happened to have a mountain of money.

Oh sure, you could party and vacation, but very soon a new wave of contrast would arise. It might be things like relationship issues, guilt issues, health issues or any number of things that money is not involved in.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t want a mountain of money, it is neither my place nor my desire to do so. But I am suggesting that if you were to make friends with contrast, you will become a lot happier and more fulfilled as you are going through the process of allowing your mountains of money to manifest.

So how do you make friends with contrast? Well, understanding the nature of contrast is a start.

Contrast is one of four of the major components of the manifestation process. They are:

  • Contrast
  • Desire
  • Alignment
  • Allowing

Contrast serves sort of a dual role in this process. First, it helps you become aware of what it is you don’t want so you can choose what you do want. On a fundamental level, it is this aspect of creation that you came to experience when you chose to become physically-focused. You wanted to be able to distinguish between red and blue, between music and the pounding of jack-hammer, and between having sex and listening to a 3-hour organic chemistry lecture. More importantly, you wanted to be able to chose to experience your preference of wearing red in your organic chemistry lecture while listening to a jack-hammer on your iPhone.

Like that, contrast helps you decide what your strong preferences are, and in doing so strengthens your desire.

Second, contrast also helps you recognize which thoughts are not in alignment with having what it is you want to manifest. As soon as you decide what it is you want to manifest, contrast will arise. This contrast arises because you have produced a new way of thinking, a new cluster of thoughts. You did this because you want something different from what you have now. Contrast systematically uses your emotional compass to point out old thoughts that are not in alignment with your new desires by giving you a bad feeling when you think them. If you ignore them, they will feel worse until you acknowledge them. The trick of course, is to learn to recognize them when they feel only a little bad.

Naturally, we have a cultural template that teaches us to ignore our emotions, push through the bad-feelings, and achieve the gain that comes through pain.

Which is where your conundrum comes in. Of course you feel stuck. The whole point of having the mountain of money is so you don’t have to deal with contrast. Yet to get the mountains of money, you have to determine which thoughts are out of alignment with having them. The contrast you are avoiding is the contrast that points out these out of alignment thoughts. You need to change these these out-of-alignment thoughts to thoughts that are in alignment with mountains of money in order to have them.

Now let’s take this a step further. What you don’t want is a life of servitude and commitment to doing something you don’t want to do to live a meaningless existence. You really don’t want this. I mean, you really, really, really don’t want this. In fact, the only time you don’t think about how much you really don’t want this is when you are partying and vacationing.

In a way then, it is your resistance to drudgery that is creating your desire for the party/vacation lifestyle. I submit, that this lifestyle may not be what you want. That if you were to drop your resistance to the idea of work, you might find something that is far more enjoyable and fulfilling than partying.

When I say drop your resistance to work, I don’t mean just work and be happy. Working is for the birds. What I mean is to stop avoiding the contrast and see what thoughts you are thinking that stop you from exploring what it is that would fire your rockets beyond your imagination.

Do this and you divorce yourself from the work/party seesaw.

I mean, seriously, isn’t that what you really want, to find what is exciting and inspires passion in you?

If not feel free to take out your metaphysical slingshot and bounce a few rocks off my head.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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A while back, I decided that my mission was to answer questions. I knew that if I was going to sustain this mission I would have to find a way to make it pay for itself. At the same time, I felt that our current economic system was lopsided and I wanted to embody a new model. Finally, I found the model that feels right for me. With the exception of my books which need a fixed price to play in the marketplace, everything on this site is pay what it is worth. If you want a one-on-one session with me, then at the end you pay what you think it was worth. If you get value from reading a blog post or getting a question answered in a forum, consider dropping what it was worth to you in Mr. Piggy to the right. This is me being the change I want to see.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

Because of Starving Kids, I Don’t Deserve

Recently, I have been having random feelings of unworthiness. Its like they just come out of nowhere. I’m feeling good about my manifestations, and I feel like I’m REALLY CLOSE to having everything that I ever wanted, but every time I think about having the things, I just get this feeling that I can’t or don’t deserve to have it.

I feel bad because I know that not everyone in the world is happy and rich, and I feel unworthy of having a life full of happiness and abundance. I even feel bad about manifesting because its so “magical” and most people have to work so hard to get what they have. I UNDERSTAND ALL the concepts of how the universe works:

  • I understand that happiness is the purpose of our life.
  • I understand that being “selfish” is the only perspective we will ever have and that everything we will ever do is because we think its going to make us feel better.
  • I understand that I am an infinite being of light and love, that I am GOD and am worthy of everything that I ever asked for and more!

But why am I not feeling this way? What can i do or think to feel better?

This “issue” has only come up for me really recently. Usually I’m probably considered “selfish” by most of society as I’m usually one of those people that think i just deserve everything. I usually do not give a crap about what anyone else thinks but why am I all of a sudden thinking about starving kids in Africa?

This feeling is really holding me back from receiving everything I asked for, could it be a fear of success? Could it be that BECAUSE I know i am so close to getting everything, I just had to manifest a fear since a part of me does not want to receive everything? Please help!!

If you look back a couple years you will no doubt see that you have made incredible progress in the way you relate to contrast. But as you become better and better with contrast, your tolerance decreases. What never bothered you before now looms large.

But that really doesn’t matter much because it is now as big a deal as the previous “big deals” were two years ago. As you eliminate the “coarse” vibrational contrast, you are able to see the more subtle contrast. Because your tolerance is less, it feels just as bad.

However, no contrast can stand in the way of what you want unless you believe it can. And if you believe it can, then it becomes “bad”, and if you are judging it to be bad, you are resisting it.

However, contrast, like everything else is here to serve you. When you feel bad, you are simply pointing out thoughts that no longer serve you. In this case, the thought of you not deserving because there are starving people does not serve you.

Remember, you create your Universe—all of it. In the same way you assign roles to people in your world to present things you don’t like about yourself, you have created a country called Ethiopia, and within Ethiopia you created starving kids with their bones showing. Then you assigned roles to your friends to agree with you that there is a place called Ethiopia and that the starving people there are real.

Now there may be people who you think are starving, but the truth is you can only see your version of them, the part that to which you are a vibrational match. What they are really experiencing is not something you can know. They are in a sense serving you by appearing to be starving.

So what you are looking at really is just a thought that somewhere there are people less fortunate than you. It is just a thought. A thought that you can gather evidence for because Law of Attraction works that way. Anytime you posit something as true, you will find evidence to support how you are right about it.

In this case, you have created a nation of starving kids to point out your belief that you are not worthy of what you want. And as you stated, you are in fact worthy of anything you want.

So all you really have to do is be okay that you have thoughts of unworthiness. When you can be okay with those thoughts and feelings, your creations, you can choose a new thought or cluster of thoughts that feel better. This process of choosing thoughts that continually feel better or feel like relief will bring you more into alignment with the entirety of what you want to experience.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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A while back, I decided that my mission was to answer questions. I knew that if I was going to sustain this mission I would have to find a way to make it pay for itself. At the same time, I felt that our current economic system was lopsided and I wanted to embody a new model. Finally, I found the model that feels right for me. With the exception of my books which need a fixed price to play in the marketplace, everything on this site is pay what it is worth. If you want a one-on-one session with me, then at the end you pay what you think it was worth. If you get value from reading a blog post or getting a question answered in a forum, consider dropping what it was worth to you in Mr. Piggy to the right. This is me being the change I want to see.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

Feeling Good vs Feeling Better

A lot of gurus and non-physical beings talk about how everything is easier if you feel good. This is all fine and dandy, but for whatever reason, many of the people who latch onto this concept have no idea how to get to the state of feeling good. What they do is try to “think positive” or do sort of a mock-up of “happy.”

The thing is that it is the emotional guidance system’s job to point out the vibrational distance between where you are and where you want to be. The wider the vibrational gap, the worse you feel. So if the person has a dominant vibration somewhere between misery and powerlessness and they force themselves maintain a false state of positivity and happiness–and this makes for a really wide vibrational gap. When they get tired of holding up the happy facade, everything crashes and they feel like crap.

If a person is down in the dumps, feeling good is just plain out of reach. If we trot out Abraham’s Emotional Scale we see that feeling like crap is clear on the other end of the scale from feeling good, and there is a lot of vibrational real estate between the two.

So I submit that feeling better from where you are is more sound advice than trying to feel good. Instead of trying jump from one end of the scale to the other, you take a series of baby steps. If you are feeling powerless, then anger empowers you. It wakes you up and gets your juices flowing. It spurs you to act. Of course, you don’t have to act on the anger. Instead you find a better feeling thought, like resentment or blame. Now none of these emotions actually feel good, but anger feels like relief when you are feeling powerless. Blame feels like relief when you are angry.

So if you are feeling bad, look for the thought that brings you relief.

Let’s look at a metaphor.

You go to a beach motel and you decide you want to sunbath and stick your toes in the water. You ask the manager where the beach is. He says the beach is right on the other side of a swamp, and there is a crude trail through the swap, but you’d be better off driving 5 miles down the road to the state park.

So you decide that you would rather be by yourself than with a bunch of tourists so you decide to make your way through the swamp. The trail is actually very crude and half the time you really don’t know if you are even on it. You take one wrong turn and now you are up to your neck in quicksand.

You want to be at the beach, but it’s a little difficult to visualize because you have to put a lot of effort into keeping the sand out of your mouth. But your foot feels something solid and you realize that you have found a rock. You don’t feel good, but you feel better than when you were sinking. You certainly feel relief. You use all your strength to get up on the rock and from there you see a root you can reach. Finding the root feels better than being stuck on a rock, but you still are a long way from feeling good. You use the root to pull yourself out of the quicksand into deep mud. It is a relief to be out of the quicksand and it certainly feels better, but you are laying in thick mud.

It is a relief to stand, but you are covered in mud and every step you have to pull your foot out of mud that would rather hold you down. You continually have to curl your toes to keep from losing your shoes. It feels like relief when you get on the trail again, but your heavy perspiration from your hard work has attracted mosquitoes. It really feels like relief when you get to the motel and take a shower getting rid of the mud and sand and foul odors.

Likewise it feels like relief when you are in the car driving towards the beach, relief when you arrive at the state park, relief when you find a parking spot, and relief when you setup your blanket and beach chair.

Now you can set about the practice of feeling good.

You made it to the beach even though you were up to your neck in quicksand. But when you were in quicksand, the only place you could go from there was the rock.

Likewise the path to finding a good feeling thought, lies through a series baby steps of finding better feeling thoughts, the ones that feel like relief from where you are.

So if you are a guru or a coach, I suggest it might be more practical to advise your clients to find a better feeling thought or a thought that feels like relief than it is to tell them to feel good.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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A while back, I decided that my mission was to answer questions. Since people value more what they get in equitable exchange, I have a created a way for this to happen. With the exception of my books which need a fixed price to play in the marketplace, everything on this site is pay what it is worth. If you want a one-on-one session with me, then at the end you pay what you think it was worth. If you get value from reading a blog post or getting a question answered in a forum, consider dropping what it was worth to you in Mr. Piggy to the right. This is me being the change I want to see.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

Life in a Friendly Universe

Hello Chip,

My question is about fear and procrastination. I currently work with kids and want to expand my business. My vision is to teach/facilitate meditation and guided imagery for relaxation, connecting to source and for help in school, anxiety etc. I enrolled in a course and am finished the course work portion but I need to videotape myself giving a class to kids and send the tape in to receive certification. I am completely procrastinating and feel a lot of fear. I believe I am feeling overwhelmed with the thought of success. I also feel totally unprepared to actually teach meditation. I feel like I am just not good enough. I envision a meditation teacher as someone who is a spiritual guru, wears the clothes and is forever in a Zen like state and has all the answers. One thing I do know is that I am great with kids. I oscillate between being very excited and absolute dread. I know that this is a desire because I read the back of a kids meditation book and thought to myself “this is what I want to do” and then the course literally fell into my lap with very little effort in a very short period of time. I simply followed my inspiration to act.

When I opened my other business I felt very little fear and I am always into trying new things. For some reason in this particular area my confidence is really bad. It’s as though I am afraid of dreaming too big for fear it will not come true. My head is swimming with ideas and I feel my creative and business juices really flowing, however I am afraid of getting excited and then failing. I have never been afraid to fail before in my life and have experienced failure a LOT! Maybe those failures simply didn’t mean as much to me so it didn’t matter as much? I am really feeling quite stuck.

Einstein once said, “The most important question a person can ask is, “Is the Universe a friendly place?”

Indeed, how we answer that question is significant. When I first answered it, I was like, “of course it is friendly,” but my actions, my words, and my vibration did not align with the idea of it being friendly.

In my world at that time, I was a victim of my thoughts, having adapted them from ugly experiences as a child and the cultural templates my parents believed. I was constantly on a quest to find that one last “block” that kept me from having what I wanted, and each discovery was a new layer of the never-ending onion.

A world where you are broken and where all contrast boils down to searching for what is wrong with you is not a friendly place.

So what would a friendly Universe look like?

In a friendly Universe, everything and everyone in it would be there to serve you. Every time I say this I think of a Mark Twain quote that I will probably get wrong:

“Every man I meet makes me happy, some when the arrive and others when they leave.”

You see, this Universe is all about contrast. It is the contrast that makes it so interesting (and not in a Chinese curse kind of way.) Without contrast we couldn’t distinguish between blue and orange. Since we can distinguish the two we are able to decide which one we prefer. In this way, we can create a world based upon our preferences.

In very simplistic terms, we keep making these choices and it is our decisions of what we prefer that determine our experiences. As we create these experiences, sometimes we change our minds or decide that we want something more. When that happens, sometimes the thoughts that we have been holding collide with thoughts that are in alignment with the new experiences we are wanting. And so we have Contrast with a capital C and it doesn’t feel good..

The sole purpose of this contrast is to allow you to chose which thought you prefer. Your intuition helps you determine which thoughts are in alignment with what you want by showing you how you feel when you think those thoughts. The ones that feel better or like relief are in alignment with what you want, and thoughts that feel worse are delaying what you want.

So let’s take your experiences with your studies and look at them in a friendly Universe.

I read the back of a kids meditation book and thought to myself “this is what I want to do” and then the course literally fell into my lap with very little effort in a very short period of time. I simply followed my inspiration to act.

Just as it should be.

I enrolled in a course and am finished the course work portion but I need to videotape myself giving a class to kids and send the tape in to receive certification.

Doing great here.

I am completely procrastinating and feel a lot of fear.

In our society, we are taught that procrastination is a sign of weakness. We should, in the words of the late Roger Miller, “Just knuckle-down, buckle-down, do-it do-it do-it.” We should push through whatever it is that is standing in our way and grab the glory.

But the meaning of procrastination changes if you are living in a world where everything is here to serve you. What if procrastination was just your intuition telling you that your timing isn’t right, and you needed to wait a bit?

If you let procrastination be your intuition about timing, there is no need to go down the rabbit hole of:

  • There must be something wrong with me.
  • What am I afraid of?
  • Maybe I’m feeling overwhelmed with the thought of success.
  • OMG, I must be totally unprepared to teach meditation…

If you think back, as you started thinking these thoughts, you started feeling worse and worse. Your intuition was telling you, “These thoughts are not true. They do not serve you.” And you knew this. But you were procrastinating and there had to be a reason for it. Law of Attraction being what it is, brought you thoughts that provided evidence to support your adopted definition of procrastination.

So if you just change the meaning of procrastination you will see that, like always, you are/were not doing anything wrong.

In fact, everything is working out for you perfectly. Not only did you manifest a way to get back on track, (by following your intuition,) you learned that you can trust your intuition even more than you have before.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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If you would like to have a question answered, please go to the “Ask Chip” option on the “About Chip” menu tab.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

How Do I Bring My Husband On Board?

Hi Chip!

Here is my situation. I have the wonderful opportunity to adopt 2 siblings, both boys. I have one of my own who is 8. My husband and I have tried for years to have more, we tried everything medically possible with no results. Now we have an opportunity to adopt these siblings, but my husband is not on board.

My question is, how does one deal with this type of situation when you want to follow your hearts desire by having more children through adoption, but your other half is not on board. I feel like I have to give up my desires now. I will have this desire to have more children forever!! It is making me angry that I am giving in to his desires of not having more children so that I can fulfill his desire and deny me my desire. I feel like I have no say and my heart is breaking!!

I’d like to start this conversation with a little background on the nature of relationships. This topic brings forth a bit of a paradox because on one had we are told that we create our reality—all of it—and on the other hand most gurus adopt the lexicon of Abraham and say we co-create our reality. Both of which are true. But the term “co-create” is misleading if we look at it from a physically-focused perspective. It implies that there is a physical reality outside the one you create that you share with other people.

But co-creation happens on a vibrational level and the physical reality you create is all you. For this reason, I prefer the term blending reality as used by my non-physical friend Paul.

For purposes of demonstration let’s assume that the blue sphere represents you and the purple sphere represents your husband.

You each have had experiences and learned different things so you see the worlds differently. Because your experiences have colored your world blue, you see the world through your blue filter. It is simply impossible to see anything your husband sees because his world is filtered purple. Likewise ,he can’t see the blue world you see because he can only see purple.

Now there is an intersection where your vibrations are similar and this is how you relate to him. But you don’t see him, you see a version of him that you have created– a blue version of him. Your relationship is the relationship between your idea of you with your version of him.

You do this with everything and everybody. This is why people like to point out that when you see something you don’t like in someone else, you are seeing a reflection of you.

And you use this reflective properties to your advantage all the time. When you are feeling conflicted, you will align with people who will demonstrate your conflicting thoughts so that you can choose something different. You might see an unhappy angry person and decide that you don’t want to be angry and unhappy. In this way, you can make a decision without having to dive into the angry and unhappy thoughts you have been holding.

Of course, most of the people you hang with reflect your dominant vibration. People like your husband and son reflect the parts of you that you like to express the most. However, conflict can still occur, as reflected in your issue of adoption.

I brought up all of this to point out that the conflict you are feeling over the adoption is all you. You are using your husband to pull forth the conflicting thoughts you are having about the adoption of these two boys. If you were not conflicted, you would line up with the version of your husband that is on board with bringing these two new boys into your family.

So what do you do with this?

Contrast like this is always working for you to bring you the entirety of what you are wanting. It helps you refine and define what it is you really want. It does this by exposing the thoughts you are thinking that are not in alignment with the having of what you are wanting. It shows you the cultural templates you are bucking, the fears you have, and the attitudes and beliefs that will cause you grief.

You bring this contrast to the surface either through direct experience, or through the words and actions of others. Often when people feel so strongly about what they want that they blind themselves to the contrasting thoughts that are standing in their own way, they will call forth other people to get in their face to make them confront the contrast. This is not to say that your husband is right, rather it is a call to pay attention to the thoughts you are holding.

  • Listen to his words. What is he telling you directly?
  • Listen to his concerns? What feelings is he evoking?
  • Feel the vibration of where he is coming from.

Some of your concerns might be:

  • It would be a sudden financial burden.
  • They might turn out to be little hellions or delinquents.
  • They might turn your son into a delinquent.
  • Your son might get jealous.
  • The 3 boys might not get along and the fights would be 2 against one.
  • You might feel shame about not being able to conceive naturally.

Your concerns may turn out to be about adopting in general or they may turn out to be something you sense in the vibration of these particular boys.

Take each of the concerns and allow the emotions you are feeling to percolate. What are the thoughts that are coming to light? Does it feel better or worse to think these thoughts. If they feel better or like relief, these are ones you want to stay with for now. If they feel worse, look for the thought that feels better.

Do this with each concern that arises. As you do, you will notice that you are refining and redefining what it is that you want out of expanding your family. Notice how you want to feel and go with that feeling for a while.

Now you have a better perspective on this situation, and it was all because you were able to call forth your husband to express your objections. Whether or not you decide to move forward with these two boys, you will have a clearer vision and intention of what you want to experience.

If you decide not to adopt these boys, remember you are in the middle of the story. You will have other opportunities to adopt if that is what you want. Or you can find peace if you have changed your mind.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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If you would like to have a question answered, please go to the “Ask Chip” option on the “About Chip” menu tab.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

What do I want to do now?

Hi Chip!

I love the principle of doing what feels good / doing what feels like relief a lot. When I first heard about this last year I thought “YES! This is how I want to live my life from now on!”.

However it doesn’t seem to work for me as I had hoped. Regularly I get into situations where I got free time and want to decide what to do next. I ask myself the question “What would feel good or feel like relief now?” – And then the answer is just blank.

In these situations I just don’t know what I would really want to do with my time. So I feel as if I only have two options: To do nothing and be super bored, or to distract myself (kill time) with something that feels okay to do but that doesn’t really excite me much. I always do the latter because the idea of doing nothing/being bored just feels worse…

It is frustrating to me because I know that there must be something there that I would really like to do but I am blind to seeing it and because of that I end up wasting my time with something else.

Luckily there are also moments where I do get an inspiration of something that I would like to do. But they are much rarer than I would like. So how can I receive more regular answers when I ask myself “What do I want to do now”?

This is very similar to a more common question, “what do I do when there is no inspired action to take?” The answer, of course, is to do nothing—or better yet, do something fun. The reason that you are not inspired, is that there is no action to take at that time. If you are wanting something, the Universe is rearranging itself to bring it to you. But you may not be aligned with having it right now.

Think of it like catching a bus. It does no good to go to the bus stop 5 hours before it departs. But there is a right time that will get you to the bus stop at the best time for boarding and that will give you the best bus ride experience possible. You will be inspired at the right time if you expect the inspiration.

But I don’t think that the above scenario is the case with you.

The contrast you are experiencing looks like this. You find yourself with time on your hands, but nothing excites you. The thing about contrast is that 89-91% of the time what the contrast is about is the most obvious thing.

In this case, you want something to get excited about.

But you’re not looking for the next release of Smash Brothers, you are looking for something more pervasive, something that gets you so revved up that there is no spare time. You want to dive into it the second your “have-to’s” are done.

Now this can be a “life-purpose,” an adventure, a hobby, or a quest to build and release self-replicating nanobots that “eat” GMO crops and turn them into organic fertilizer. It really doesn’t matter. It is up to you to choose what it is that will fire your rockets.

Now you probably have some sort of “sensibility” template that will create some contrast as soon as you start exploring the possibilities. “I don’t know what to do.” is the perfect avoidance mechanism to avoid this contrast.

Using an absurd example: If you really wanted to fly to the moon, you might get a lot of contrast stating that you can’t afford a rocket ship and if you could you couldn’t do the math to plot the trajectory, and you get claustrophobic in space suits. Saying “I don’t know what to do” in the quiet times avoids these stirring up these conflicting thoughts.

As does, “I really don’t have anything I’m passionate about that I want to do.”

But you do have the desire to have that kind of purpose and passion, no?

You can tell, because your vibration is at boredom. If you keep choosing what feels better, excitement and passion are coming very soon.

So you just have to choose what it is you want to do. You can’t get it wrong, but you can delay the having of it.

My suggestion is to brainstorm a list of things you might like to do. Don’t be sensible. Put down things that are exciting. Put down things you that stretch you. Put down thing you think are impossible. Feel the vibration of these things. (Hint: it is possible that the vibration of things you think are impossible can be found in things you believe you can have.)

If you are comfortable with asking your guides for help, ask them to help you think of things for your list.

Once you have decide on an endeavor or two, go back to following what feels better. Now, if nothing comes up, you know you are just waiting for a bus, and there is nothing to do right now. You can play Smash Brothers, kill time, and enjoyed it.

Contrast is likely to arise. This will point out the thoughts you hold that run counter to what you want to do. Once again, simply choose thoughts that feel better and navigating the contrast will be easy—and it gets easier the more you do it.

This is something you are ready for.

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Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

What Color is My Bear-assed Career?

When my desires aren’t being manifested quickly enough (specifically my career at this point), there are partial manifestations here and there tho…what do you suggest me to do? Should I focus more intensely, distract myself with things that make me happy, or follow the “go general” technique by Abraham?

Let’s start with a problem:

You travel in a straight line exactly one mile south. You turn west and travel exactly one mile. You turn north and travel exactly one mile bringing you back to your starting point. Sitting on the exact spot you left is a bear. What color is the bear?

Your career is this bear. You don’t know what color it is but you wish it would get off it’s fat ass and get moving. Maybe if you hang some salmon out in front of it it will move, I mean, bears like salmon, right? You can get canned salmon at the grocery store, or that GMO stuff at the deli. I wonder which would work better.

We live in a society that values problem solving. We are taught that in order to get anything you have to set it up as a problem.

You define the problem:

  • My career is sitting on it’s fat ass.

You state what you know to be true:

  • I have experience in shopping.
  • I am educated in the varieties of salmon.
  • The market for GMO salmon is currently down.
  • Bears smell bad and shed.
  • No one is hiring people who can’t move a bear.

And you isolate variables:

  • X=what I have to do to get this bear moving.

When you set your career up as a problem to be solved, guess what you get? That’s right, you get a problem. It is the way we have been taught to deal with life. You isolate a problem and go about solving it.

So what would life look like if it wasn’t a problem to be solved? What if it was already perfect? What if what you have right now is exactly what you want.

Take a second and look around you. Everything you see, smell, taste, and imagine is your creation. The part that might be hard to comprehend is that it is exactly what you want it to be. It is a perfect match to you vibrationally.

But what about your fat-assed career?

There are parts of the world you created, even though it is perfect match to what you want not, that you don’t like and want to change. Your career is one of them. You simply have conflicting thoughts and that conflict shows up in the form of contrast. Typically what is happening is you’re protecting yourself from what you think the change you want to make means.

If I have a career, it means I won’t have as much time to spend with the kids.

I really don’t want to work at all. I’m just doing it for the money.

If I get money without working I’m a leach. So I need a career.

I need a career to be somebody.

Which brings up another point. The vibration of career and the vibration of money are not related. They appear to be related because of the meaning we have given it. But it is a no pain-no gain myth. Career in the LOA sense of the word is something that you want to do because you want to do it. If money were not involved, you would do it for fun.

Money can come to you through an infinite number of channels. It does not have to be limited to work, welfare and charity.

So when you say you want your career manifest quicker, are you wanting to expand the joy of doing what you love, or do you really want the money you think it will bring? The answer can be both.

So you know that your creation is perfect and now you want to experience more. This comes through an interconnected process of desire-contrast-allowing-alignment. (See Communion of Light, Correlating Wealth)

Let’s assume for a moment that what you really want is money not career. The same principles apply no matter what you want. The first step is to feel what it would be like to have that money. You increase your desire. Then let it go. It will either manifest or contrast will arise. Again the contrast is just there to serve you by pointing out your conflicting thoughts. Everything in your life, every person you meet is here to serve you. Some serve you by helping you define what it is you don’t want.

If you let the contrast be your ally, and allow it to be what it is, it will show you what thought is running counter to what you want. Usually, that thought is one you put in place to protect you. If you feel that the thought no longer serves you (hint: if it feels bad it doesn’t) you can replace it with one that feels more in alignment with what you are wanting.

You then let it be what it is and the money you want will either manifest or contrast will arise. Rinse and repeat.

You see, you are not doing anything wrong and you never have. There is no problem so there is no problem to solve. You only have what you are creating and how you want it to change. Let the Universe sort out how. You just have to allow it to happen and make decisions about what you want when contrast arises. Personally, I would choose to go with the thoughts that feel better or like relief. If the thought doesn’t feel good, I’d drop it like it was a bag of alligator snot.

Most of all, be easy on yourself. Dropping the idea of problem solving is a new concept and your life has been about solving problems since you were very young. It is only natural that you will try to figure out what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. But you can’t get it wrong.

It is all about starting right here right now, and doing what feels better (or like relief). And then doing it again.

Like how you felt when you decided to ask your question.

Keep doing that.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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As some of you already know, I have created a new program to make it easier for some people to engage in sessions with me. I call it, “Pay What You Want Thursdays.” And that is how it works. You have a session. Then you pay what you want. You can find out more here.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

You vs. Your Facade

You came into this life as you, the real you with the good vibes and innocent eyes and gurgling cooing that make all babies adorable. You could manifest anything you wanted or needed merely by letting loose a wail that cringed the nerves of all adults within earshot.

Then you grew up.

When you learned to talk, you started getting instruction about how life worked and what you needed to do to fit in. Often times, what others wanted you to do, to fit in, to make them feel better, ran counter to what your emotional compass was telling you was not in your best interest.

Gradually you learned to ignore your emotions and accept what other people were telling you about the way things are. It wasn’t easy because you knew you were ignoring what was true for you. So you started to pretend you were the way others wanted you to be. You created a facade, a face you showed the world, and you pushed you, the real you, to the background.

And as you moved more deeply into the facade you were creating, you increased the distance between you and your facade. You chose your facade as the right path and rejected the real you. Obviously the real you was flawed, because it doesn’t match the facade you wear in society. So it is quite natural to be ashamed of the real you.

The shame never goes away. It rides like a blanket over everything, so constant so pervasive that it seems like it is just the way life is. It becomes invisible. But we feel it and seek relief in the cookie jar or at the gym or in our 70 hour a week job or compulsive volunteer work.

And we have created a balance. We have manifested a perfect world that takes into account our facade. And this world protects us from what we perceive as our imperfection—who we really are.

The problem comes in when what we want comes from who we really are. We want health, we want wealth, and we want love. All of these desires come from who we are.

We want money. Our facade knows that rich people are evil and only get rich on the backs of the poor. It knows that who we are is flawed, and so to protect ourselves from ourselves, we do everything but manifest money.

Here’s the rub. We are master manifestors. We created the world around us. We don’t like some of our creation, but we have purpose in what we have created. We are protecting ourselves from who we think we are.

We have created the world exactly the way we want it.

But once you have identified the facade you have created, you can start to change it. You change it by finding thoughts that feel better.

Here’s an exercise: Take a topic like money, health, or love and write down on a sheet of paper all the ideas that come to mind about that topic.

Now, draw two circles. In one write the word “Me”, and in the other write “My Facade.” Take each of the ideas you had about your topic and use your emotional guidance system to decide whether that idea comes from you or your facade. Some are obvious, but some might not be so. Say the difficult ones aloud. Notice how it pulls you. It will feel like relief to place it in one circle or the other.

When you are done, you will have a better understanding of the facade you have created. You will also see how you are protecting yourself from what you want.

Now you can change those ideas that don’t serve you with ones that feel better. And you can ask yourself that all important question, what do I want from here.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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As some of you already know, I have created a new program to make it easier for some people to engage in sessions with me. I call it, “Pay What You Want Thursdays.” And that is how it works. You have a session. Then you pay what you want. You can find out more here.

Chip

(c)2014 Chip Engelmann

The Best Way to Attract a Great Relationship

Chip,

Can you please speak on the best way to attract a great relationship? I feel like I’ve been trying forever, to no avail. (Maybe that’s my problem?)

Now I feel discouraged and like throwing in the towel on the whole matter. I know what feels good to me to visualize but I don’t know if that really exists in reality. Maybe I have to settle. Maybe I’m not allowed to really have it. Maybe I have to learn a whole bunch of lessons first before it comes along. I just don’t know. I’m confused and don’t know how to sort it out.

My guess is that the idea of “throwing in the towel” feels like relief. But you still want the relationship.

Your intuition was talking pretty loudly to you when you wrote this, wasn’t it? You are trying to manage the creation of this relationship because you think if you don’t do something, it isn’t going to happen.

I’ve got news for you. Your intuition is telling you, “It’s done. You have that relationship. You’ve created it. Let it come to you.”

Think of it like ordering a book from Amazon. You placed the order, now you just have to wait the 5-8 working days for it to arrive. The last thing you would do is notice on day three that it isn’t there yet and order the book again. But that is what we do when we try to make it happen. We notice that we don’t have it yet, and when we do, the Universe knocks the book off the UPS conveyer belt and your package is delayed. Then after you forget about it, some janitor finds the book and puts it back on the belt.

Think of this new dream relationship in the same way you would think of the book you ordered from Amazon. If you knew in uncertain terms that your person was coming, how would you be acting? Would you be going out and enjoying other people’s company—not intending to get serious, but hey, company at movies is fun? Dancing is fun. Flirting is fun. Eating out is fun. Would you enjoy benefits?

Would you spend time preparing your space for a new person, or would you be organizing your stuff so that you got rid of the things that you wouldn’t want to move?

If it were me, I would say, “Now that I have my relationship, what can I do to best celebrate being ‘single’ before the person shows up?”

Undoubtedly, you will experience some contrast. The relationship you are asking for is a different vibration than the vibration you currently hold. The contrast that comes up is merely pointing out thoughts you are thinking that are delaying your person’s arrival. Listen to what they are saying. Often it is as simple as making a turning it around: “Not allowed to have it? How interesting. Of course, I can have it. I can have anything I want.” Or, “Maybe I have to learn a bunch of lessons. Ha ha. As if I could get it wrong!”

This can be very easy. The contrast is merely giving you the opportunity to replace unaligned thoughts.

Relax. Enjoy yourself while the “package” is coming. Stay home or go out as you are inspired to do. This relationship is a done deal.

Please scroll down to comment or ask a clarifying question.

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This question arrived just as I was finishing the previous one. As a general rule, I like to answer questions promptly. But I’m sure there will be times that for one reason or another, it might be delayed. But don’t be surprised when questions get posted on the same day as another question.

Chip

(c)2013 Chip Engelmann